饥饿三十

我又参加饥饿三十了 。

还是当志工﹐但这回不做小组组长﹐只当看门狗 。

每只狗都被分配到 “一只” 伴侣 。我那只叫林凤娇﹐跟我一样﹐来自同一所大学﹔但她是学生﹐我是讲师 。同一学院﹐还好不是同一科系﹐不然可就糗大﹔因为我常常会罔顾自己的教师形象﹐展露疯狂幼稚的一面﹐到时若被宣扬出去﹐面子也不晓得该往那里搁 。你知道的啦﹐这现实的社会﹐面子比什么都重要﹐狗的世界也不例外！

今年﹐营会首次以双语举行 。所有指示和故事都会用中英两种语言不断重复﹐听了又听﹐有点 “显” 。

再加上负责摆尾看门﹐可谓显上加显 。

然而﹐饥饿的感觉却创新低﹐或许是因为麻木了吧？！但倒数进入最后一个小时的时候﹐肚子却突然 “狂饿” 了起来﹔看到组长发给营员们的豆奶蛋糕时﹐差点就飞扑过去﹐刁走他们手上的粮食 。

还好没力﹐不至于酿成大错 。

一如所有生活营﹐节目接近尾声时﹐营员门得分享这三十个小时内的所想所得 。我和阿娇没有组员﹐却也自爽地互相交换心得。当时的我很假﹐说了一些冠冕堂皇的大道理﹔现在想起来﹐其实﹐这三十个小时以来﹐我只体会到一件事﹐七个字： “狗的生活很无聊！”

PS：还是去年的做法﹑想法比较健康﹔再看看阿娇怎么说！

Try And Error, Or Leave

似乎，我没有自己以为地那么喜欢这份新工作 。

初来報到時﹐身在 “同一工廠檐” 的前屋友小彦姐告訴我﹕工商重地﹐不宜久留﹔待久﹐会讓人變得苛刻呆板 。当时的我﹐稍不以為意﹐自認定力十足﹐任爾東南西北風都堅韌不移 。

然我並沒有自己想像的那般堅韌﹔工作了一陣子﹐終於體會到朋友那席話的個中道理﹐明白到一兩个人斗不過一个根深蒂固的制度 。

在這里﹐我常有 Cognitive Dissonance﹕常被迫違背自己意愿﹐做些自己不太想做的事﹐比方說﹐与 marking scheme 同流合污﹐謀殺学生們的創意 。

若 follow the law﹐学生遭殃﹐自己心裡也會不舒服﹔背道而馳嘛﹐課程檢定局会或會質問﹐学生也不一定開心﹐上司更会不爽 。這進退兩難的窘境﹐馬来人管叫它做﹕“ditelan mati ayah, diluah mati ibu”﹗

调试之际，我常常告诉自己：“就一年为期，若无法适应，就离开。”

NOT busy JUST lazy

It has been about two weeks since my previous post, and I'm not as busy as you thought. As a matter of fact, I'm kinda senggang now.

The students are taking their final exam, so, no more lecturing and tutoring, and most of the lecturer is goyang kaki, either at the office or at their home sweet home. For some, we will start our new short semester in October; for others, they will only start lectruring in January 2008.

Though no works D, but still we have to go sign in sign out everyday. Coz I have to teach STATISTIC :( for the coming short semester, I will spend some time to do revision and preparation. But, most of the time, I will just stare at the computer and dreaming... ...

Wanna blog, but, we don't have and can't install CSTAR or NJSTAR here; and I don't wanna blog in English. Paiseh-mah ;P, my english is very "shit": can only say some simple thing by arranging few words that I learn in my primary school - not FUN-loh.

And then hoh, bila balik rumah, not feeling like wanna blog liao. Riding motorcycle to work make me very very tire-lah. In nutshell, lazy-lah.

Anyway, kinda boring also, just sitting at the office, thinking what to do. So, will try to blog in English or Malay in future.